Love And Respect

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. The man, you see, is the head of the woman, just as Christ, too, is head of the church. He is himself the savior of the body. But, just as the church is subject to Christ, in the same way women should be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it, so that he could make it holy, cleansing it by washing it with water through the word. He did this in order to present the church to himself in brilliant splendor, without a single spot or blemish or anything of the kind—that it might be holy and without blame. That’s how husbands ought to love their own wives, just as they love their own bodies. Someone who loves his wife loves himself. After all, nobody ever hates his own flesh: he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ does with the church, because we are parts of his body. “That’s why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh.” The hidden meaning in this saying is very deep; but I am reading it as referring to Christ and the church. Anyway, each one of you must love your wife as you love yourself; and the wife must see that she respects her husband.”
Ephesians 5:22-33 NTFE

The passage here is lengthy, but breaking it up would be a disservice because it is about the relationship between husbands and wives. It begins with the idea of wives being subject to their husbands, which in this context means showing mutual respect and submission to the husband’s leadership rather than being a form of oppression. This perspective promoted by Paul reflects an authoritarian chain of command structure, similar to the Roman authority structure of Paul’s time. It states, "Women should be subject to their husbands in everything," with the understanding that this does not condone physical or mental abuse, which has unfortunately become prevalent in our culture due to uncontrolled pain, or past anger, or trauma. It's important to note that Paul's teachings also emphasize the husband's responsibility to love and care for his wife, providing a balance to the 'subject to' rule.

In the Christian faith, Christ holds ultimate authority over all things. This authority extends to our marriages, our approach to raising children, and the leadership of husbands and fathers within their families. It is not an authoritarian model but a balanced expression of love and respect. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church.” Do you realize that this statement is impossible to keep? Jesus loved the Church with an eternal perspective, knowing that we are all His children and that He was willing to die and did die for His Church (His children). How do you love your wives like this? Truthfully, we can’t because we do not possess that kind of love; only God can love us this way. But if the husband has died to his fleshly desires, put the old nature in the grave, and allowed the Holy Spirit to reside within Him, He can respond to His wife as Christ would without exception.

I've just depicted the profound union of two individuals becoming one flesh, symbolizing the Holy Spirit merging with someone who has overcome their sinful desires and is reborn into a new life. Paul refers to this as a profound mystery of Christ and the Church. It signifies the transformation of our bodies from death to life as Christ resides within us, two becoming one. Marriage beautifully mirrors this spiritual truth; when two separate individuals become one flesh. Jesus died for the Church was resurrected into a new spiritual body, and is now connected to His bride through the intimate connection with the Holy Spirit, two becoming one.

Jesus died for the Church so that we could be made holy by the washing of water through the Word. The washing represents how the Holy Spirit cleanses us as we come to Jesus. In the same way, a husband should cleanse his wife by continually praying, forgiving her for her sins, and speaking the Word of Christ to her, loving her unconditionally despite her imperfections. This is how husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church.

Paul emphasizes the importance of a husband's love for his wife, comparing it to the care he has for his own body. It's clear that in today's world, many people struggle with unresolved anger and past trauma, which has resulted in alarming rates of suicide and divorce. The negative influence of the enemy has distorted our self-perception, leading many to view themselves as nothing more than a mistake; we are not mistakes but God’s children. Paul's message is directed towards Christian men who deeply understand their identity in Christ and how to care for themselves, urging them to extend the same level of care to their wives. This powerful revelation sheds light on the significance of this passage.

Taking this passage stirs many emotions in me, one of the most prevalent emotions being gratitude. Not that I was better than anyone else in my response to my wife, but that I entirely depend upon the grace afforded to me in Christ to love my wife. From that aspect, I can become a loving husband, Father, and son. Ultimately, it is all about becoming a mature son of our heavenly Father, all men and women. There is no differentiation between men and women regarding our role as sons of our Heavenly Father; we are all called to be sons. Naturally, that sounds a bit sexist, but if you consider the time this passage was written, sons were the inheritors of the family, especially the eldest son, who typically received a double portion. It's important to note that Paul qualifies this in Galatians 3:38, where he states there is no difference in Christ between males and females, providing a contextual understanding of historical perspectives on gender roles in Christ.

So, what's the takeaway from this passage? Husbands: “each of you must love your wife as you love yourself; and the wife must see that she respects her husband.” Love and respect are the two most prominent words in the passage, and they help us to define the proper attitudes of the husband and the wife toward each other. It is a beautiful passage with many nuances that must be considered.

Stephen Barnett